Tuesday, March 26, 2013

The story of Gulliver and Bertha

In every family there seems to be that one child who is completely different than the rest. Kind of like the Ugly Duckling-only in personality and everything BUT looks. Mine definitely looks like me. There's no getting out of claiming him genetically. The #2 son is that child for us.
I had thought to name the 6 kids after The Chipmunks and The Three Stooges, but I've decided to call this one Gulliver. It just fits him so well and I can't seem to let it go. So, he's Gulliver.

Why does the name Gulliver fit him, you ask? Well, he's pretty gullible, goofy, funny... He has a knack for making you laugh by making himself look like a goofy oaf. He's really VERY intelligent, but doesn't seem to use it at all. Dumber than a rock. OK, Captain Obvious k. "Here's your sign" kind of dumb. Not an ounce of common sense to be had.
Let me tell you a bit about "Gulliver" and our current comedy from him. Or maybe it's tragedy. That sounds more like it

When he was 15 he got a job in a restaurant. We thought they'd fire him within a week. Lazy, zero work ethic and all that. He turned out to be an amazing employee and I was really proud of him. We thought maybe that was what he needed to realize his potential. Yeah, no. That backfired on me too... He had $ that other kids didn't have and could do things other kids couldn't. He thought he was doing so fantabulous that he quit school and moved out. He's since quit or lost the job. Can't remember which now. And the OLD work ethic is back. He's done NOTHING for probably 3 or 4 years now.
He met this "girl" who is actually 11 years older in YEARS but about 5 years younger in maturity and intelligence. Yes, she is 32 years old and started dating him when he was 17 or 18. She at the time was 28 or 29. That's a story for another day.
Back to the topic at hand here: We'll call the girlfriend Bertha because it kinda fits... Just picture Honey Boo Boo's mom as 5' tall in a wife beater and sweats with a chicken leg in one hand and a rolling pin in the other. Bra is optional.
Bertha has 2 children from a previous marriage. The ex-husband has those kids because she has the same work ethic as my kid-NONE-and no sense of responsibility. Welfare city. In fact they are living in what is lovingy referred to as "food stamp camp." Trailer park full of welfare recipients. BUT!!! They aren't paying any rent or anything, they're living with others of their kind. Gulliver and Bertha have been together for the most part for probably 3 years now.
The responsibility level between them is non-existent. Respect for society and/or laws? Well, we HOPE that is developing. Drugs-not heavy, just pot and what the kids consider to be the minor things. OF COURSE they don't seem to think that it actually does anything beyond getting you high for now and shouldn't be a problem. After all, there is no lasting effect and you can do your job just as well as the guy who isn't toking up. Did I mention dumb in there somewhere? Thought so.
He's done 6 months or near to it in the county jail for following a kid who broke into the firehall. They had the whole thing on video. Gulliver sat on a picnic table. The other went to "pee" and broke in. Then he came and got my kid and said "hey, the door is open!!!" and my dumbass son went on in. Brilliance and common sense are not his strong point. THEN he SWORE TO GOD that it wasn't him on the video. It was. I watched it. He stood there looking at his stupid mug on the screen and SWORE it was someone else. After he had admitted he was outside the firehall. So, your dopple ganger showed up when Bozo the Clown broke into the firehall while you were sitting outside blissfully ignorant of what was going on? I wasn't even born in the dark and it sure as hell wasn't last night.
Now, if I were Bertha I'd have smacked him stupid-not that it would take much. When they had her kids here he acted like a friggin 2 year old and would flat out be an ass so he could go off to smoke pot or play video games with a friend for the whole time. I was embarrassed by his behavior for her. That left her and her kids with us while he sailed along with his dope head buddies and played Call of Duty all weekend.

I refer to the whole lot of them as termites when they come to my house. EVERYTHING disappears They consume EVERYTHING IN SIGHT. I swear that soap and shampoo gets poured down the drain. They can eat a whole box of cereal in about 30 seconds flat. Laundry soap disappears like there's no tomorrow. The list is endless. I cannot afford them. One weekend with them is HUNDREDS of dollars.

Neither one of them feels that fidelity is a virture to be cultivated and they've both screwed around. Bertha decided to go spend a month or two with one of their friends a few months back. The ex husband won't let her see her other kids unless I am responsible because he knows I will actually get the kids back-she won't. She intends to, but failure to plan doesn't exactly work when the kids live an hour and a half away. Can't walk them to the corner!  SO... she wanted to see her kids and came back to Gulliver.

A year or two ago Bertha supposedly had a partial hysterectomy. VERY good thing, she should be spayed. I thanked my lucky stars on that day. Well... you know where I am leading here.

So, now Bertha is pregnant. Not sure how that happens when she supposedly had a partial hysterectomy, but... I thought for sure when I heard this it was a sympathy thing to get Gulliver to take her back after she got bored sleeping with the friend. I remembered the partial hysterectomy story. An Elephant never forgets! Yeah, well... Evidently I didn't hit the lottery this week because it turns out the hysterectomy story is the lie and she is pregnant.

Which leaves me with a million thoughts and feelings and worries swirling about within me. The first two kids were taken for good reason. This won't be any different. She TRULY doesn't see what she's done that isn't in her children's best intrests or it's all someone else's fault. Never hers. Same with good ol' Gulliver. And frankly? He sucks as a parent and would prefer to rule by force. Bertha's little girl is 7 and still has bed wetting issues at night. I threw him out of my house over punishing her for that one. 1. it's normal up to and even beyond age 10 and 2. HE had no right to punish her.  AND where the hell did he learn that? Because he was a bed wetter and never was he punished for it. Nor was he ruled over with an iron fist.
I digress... back to topic. So I can see this train wreck coming. We already have a "foster" of sorts here. He's 13. My own kids range from 15 to 24. They're grown long past baby, terrible twos, potty training, kindergarten and all of that crap. I know I'll not have much choice in the matter when the proverbial sh*t hits the fan.
THEN my logical mind thinks WAIT... that baby may well not even be his. In fact the dates indicate that it's a DAMN GOOD CHANCE. Logic, however, should never figure into this pair. And the other prospective father is even worse than Gulliver. Heavy drug dealer, abusive...

OF COURSE, Bertha and Gulliver have NOTHING. They've no clue how to care for anything and everything is disposable. They consume everything they touch. The trailer they are in had carpet. They've destroyed it and now they  have plywood floors. I bought them sofas about a year ago at a thrift store. Very nice, newer in really great condition. I would have even put them in my house. They needed them more. One sits on their front porch with the stuffing spread from here to Christmas and back. The other they ended up hacking up and using for firewood after it went to the same fate.

Back to the owning nothing. They need everything for a baby. I did TONS for my older son when their babies were born and I'll do the same for the rest of the kids. It's a grandma's right to do those things! I WANT to do it for this one. But, I also know that everything I buy will get ruined and tossed out. IF the baby gets to use anything more than once I'll be shocked. I am torn here. I am ready to go shopping in the baby section and have a ball!! But I don't want to because it's not going to get to the baby anyway.

And while we're going BACK to things here there's the whole custody thing. I know what's going to happen and I wish I knew what to think or feel. IF it's my grand baby I will gladly take it and deal. Then again how am I ever going to know and really? If its not I wouldn't turn a baby away anyway, so why the heck is this even rattling around in my head? Yet, I still want to know and I REALLY want to slap the stupid out of her. Hell, out of both of them!

Now that you've read my novel... got any words of wisdom for the mom who is usually the one full of words? There is sooooooooo much more I could add here. I have done everything I can from trying to help them find work to them living here to letting them destroy my camper living it it, transporting them everywhere... Lordy, you name it.

I am thinking a vacation in a warmer climate might fix everything instead of worrying about it!

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