Tuesday, March 26, 2013

In my last post I was worried about Bertha actually being pregnant. Wellllll, let's back that bus up and run over this dead horse all over again.

I might just have jumped the gun in believing this story. In fact, I am really thinking I should be concerned about her mental state. Really. This morning I am very confident there is no pregnancy of any sort going on in that... cavity. And all pithy remarks aside? I think there really is something not right in the cerebellum.

This is a soap opera, isn't it? Am I on candid camera somewhere? This is going to be a colossal joke eventually. Right? Today's tidbits make me think twice-and I am sure you'll agree.

After I typed yesterday's novel I realized that I hadn't asked Gulliver and Bertha about the sonogram they had on Friday. Which, naturally, I have to give even more back story on... A couple of weeks ago Gulliver and Bertha decided she should be roughly 4 or 5 months pregnant. Skip forward a couple of sentences in that same conversation and someone must have realized that they'd told me she had a hysterectomy and they said that it must be in her tubes or an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic is a mighty big word for her-really. I am serious. I was shocked she knew that word. I am surprised she can grasp the concept that a pregnancy could possibly root outside the uterus at all. ANYWAY... THEN they say that they're feeling this baby move. {Beano will fix that} Well, make up your mind here. Because if it's an ectopic or tubal preganancy it's NOT viable and would have burst or could have even killed HER by this point. Probably wouldn't feel movement so much as PAIN??? Not that I've ever had one. I really am guessing at the pain part.

Back to this sonogram on Friday. Gulliver had a doctor's appointment at 9:30 and Bertha had to be at the hospital for the ultrasound at 9:15. HE DROPPED HER OFF (is that bell going DING DING DING yet?) Bertha had the ultrasound and then blood work done. Gulliver went to the doc appointment. Then a reverse loop was made from the doc to hospital to pick them up. I didn't go on this trip. I let Gulliver take my truck. When they brought the truck back I didn't see them.

Yesterday I realized that I hadn't asked how the ultrasound went. So I asked. This is the response I got (verbaitm):
Bertha: Dont know anything yet waitin for the results
To which I asked: Didn't you see the ultrasound?
Bertha: No they wouldnt let me i know for sure they checked my gull bladder

{{{{insert huge face palm}}}}

Really??? I'll add that she's picking out crib sets and posting all about this baby's wish list on Facebook, and to my mother, Gulliver's sister-in-law, the family in general...

So, you go in for an ultrasound on your 5 month pregnancy and they won't let you see it. They don't ask you if you want to know the gender or give you pictures or show you your baby's heart beat or... Well, ANYTHING??? Uh huh...

Now, I realize I had my babies back in the stone age. I mean, after all, my youngest is FIFTEEN! That's a lot of technology change. Did I mention sarcasm? HOWEVER, when I have had an ultrasound for ANYTHING-and I have had ultrasounds done in that hospital by the very same tech that did hers-they showed me what they were looking at. They don't give the 'diagnosis' but they show you that this is your parts and all that. If there is a baby in there they show you it's hands, feet, head, heartbeat... And if there were a 5 month ectopic or tubal pregnancy they'd have called the doc and had her into surgery like yesterday. Gulliver has no children. Never been there done that. No ultrasound picture or due date to him? OK. Me? Sorry, 15 years isn't THAT much of a leap in time and if anything the technology has IMPROVED instead of heading back to the stone age. Hell, Gulliver is 21 and his older brother 24. Even then I got due dates and pictures of them. And I saw them. Of course, someone had to pound the image out on a stone tablet and carrying it home was a real b*tch, but I got the due date and keepsake photos.

Which leads me to a very REAL dilemma. Not that I won't sprinkle that with my own brand of sarcasm and pithy remarks. You know I will. How do I tell Gulliver-whom I have tried very hard to be positive and encouraging to-that his girlfriend is full of BS (and possibly mentally f'd up)? I have detested this 32 year old woman.. THING since the day I laid eyes on her. Gulliver and Bertha don't know that. Really, maybe I shouldn't have taken my own advice and flat out told him she's a piece of sh*t. I really am at the end of my tether this morning with those two HER. Well, mostly her. He's not without issue here.

Sarcasm aside, I really am wondering if there is some mental issue at play. She's really carrying this farce a looong way to keep him from telling her to take the high road. hit the road. There is no high road for that one... She's going to wallow right down that dirt road during monsoon season, in the mud.

Did you ever think while reading this that it might just be a VC Andrews novel? I could become the next writer for the family and just use all of Gulliver's travels.

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