Cell phone etiquette

My mom taught me telephone etiquette back in the day on that old relic of a mustard yellow phone we had. Just some basic rules. Evidently she's the only mother that ever taught these things. OR maybe it's because the phone has morphed from that mustard yellow dinosaur because kids and ADULTS have no courtesy with those damn phones.
So here are the 10 basic rules of cell phones according to Mom. Everyone should live by them!!!

1. NUMERO UNO. THE RULE. THE ONE... My phone is NOT a convenience for YOU. It's a convenience for ME. If you are inconvenienced by how I do or do not answer my phone it's NOT my problem, it's YOURS. 

2.  If I don't answer on the first text that does not mean send 32 more. Either I am 1. ignoring you or 2. unable to answer. I have a life and it's NOT on my cell phone. The text you sent didn't disappear into cyber space. It's not like wayyyyyy back in the stone age when we didn't even have answering machines or anything. It's there. On my phone AND if I don't read it? My phone continues to remind me that I didn't read it until I do. I will get to it. When I have time. Which brings me to number 3.

3. If it's an emergency don't text me! Pick up the phone and dial. If you have time to TEXT it's not an emergency. A ringing phone will get my attention NOW. I have to answer it. Of course, number 3 leads us on to number 4.

4. An emergency is not the log in information to our on-line account. If you texted 32 times and then called me because you have to log into our Netflix account you might be really glad you are on the other end of the phone because I just might shoot you.

5. Do not even bring it to a meal. If you pick it up be prepared for it to take flight because I will be happy to insure that it never functions again.

6. Do not call or text after 9pm or before 9am. "Well, you'll get it in the morning..." NO. RUDE. Back in the day would you have called at 3am and left a message on the answering machine? NO! Don't' do it now. Have a little courtesy and call in the morning.

7. Don't tell me to just shut my ringer off at night if I don't want to be bothered with a call or text. I have children and I have to answer the phone at 3am if it rings. AND... my phone is not a convenience for YOU. It's for ME. Don't call me in the middle of the night.

8. If my phone is shut off there is no need to leave 8 voice messages telling me to turn my pone back on. If it sent you straight to voice mail I have turned the damn thing off for a reason. Maybe I had an emergency and I can't talk right now! Maybe I got the log in to the Netflix account and I am watching porn. Maybe I am EATING. Maybe I am at the doctor's office or in court...

9. I do not want to have a conversation that is 25 text messages long. Call me. I know I can type fast, but that 25 message text that goes back and forth could be over with in less than 2 minutes if you just call. Texting is NOT convenient for a conversation.

10. Do not call me when you are talking to 7 other people, running errands and talking to the bank teller. Unless you are Regina. It's the only time she has to talk and I know it. Otherwise? It's rude, don't call me.